Abu Dhabi tour diary - Part 4
Wednesday: "So President Bush is on the seventh floor and he's checking out at 12, but President Sarkozy is arriving at two, then you've got Ahmadinejad arriving a week later ..."
So goes the protocol nightmare at the Emirates Palace Hotel, as the staff try to juggle the demands of a directory of celebrities that runs through the alphabet, taking in heads of state (up to seven on one night), iconic footballers like Pele, Raul and err ... Carlton Cole; uber-economist Alan Greenspan; Bath-election loser Chris Patten; chicken-pelvised chanteur Justin Timberlake and calling at all stops down the food chain, before finally arriving at, gulp, Jade Goody.
Somewhere between these extremes, wandering around the Emirates Palace are the members of the Lashings World XI, coming to terms with their defeat to the Abu Dhabi CC Chairman's XI on Monday night.
The loss is bad news for Etihad Airways. Their cricket team, who are of a respectable enough standard to play league cricket in England, are in for a hiding and it's a beautiful setting for a massacre. The East Lawn of the Palace has been transformed into a cricket ground, though it looks more like a bowling green, with the exception of the matted wicket.
The pitch is circled by palm trees: to the north there is white sand and then the sea, to the east a giant Ikea, to the south Abu Dhabi itself and a long, long way to the west, one finds the hotel.
I allow 20 minutes to reach the ground from the West Wing. This might have been enough, had I not traipsed round the labyrinthine corridors for an eon, following more bum steers than a lonely cowboy in winter.
When I finally find an exit I swallow my pride, hop on a complimentary golf-buggy and cling to the chassis while vowing to plant a few trees back home to offset my Peter Crouch-sized carbon footprint.
Having heeded one of the lessons of Monday night, Lashings revert to tradition and bat first. Adam Hollioake, victim of a first-ball duck against Abu Dhabi, is the first man with a point to prove and he swats a quickfire 35, including three sixes.
His need for atonement is however eclipsed by Chris Cairns, who didn't last an over on Monday night and is going to make someone pay.
32 balls after arriving at the crease, Cairns has his ton, breaking the club record. He goes on to make 140 out of the final score of 271-9 from 20 overs, scoring 19 sixes.
Faced with a run rate of biblical dimensions, Etihad unsurprisingly fail to make a game of it, but their score of 198-6 from 20 overs is no disgrace and Lashings' star for the day, 14-year-old, Miles Henslow grabs a wicket.
"The standard of fielding has improved significantly," says Cairns , as Miles darts around the pitch, but he'll need a little more help on Wednesday, when he turns out for the Journalists XI against the Hotel XI.
There are unconfirmed reports that some members of the press team have been attending the Jesse Ryder school of pre-match preparation.
The match therefore is unlikely to be an edifying spectacle, but the biggest worry for the press and players alike remains - did Jade Goody once occupy my hotel room?
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